It doesn't have to be this way. . .

I attempted to make a Banh Mi Bowl for dinner.  I replaced the typical rice/noodles with noodles. 
Not as good as the restaurant, but edible.

I guess I have been in a permanent state of grumptitude mixed with loneliness and grief since the start of the pandemic.  I didn't realize I was grumpy. A friend brought it to my attention by asking, so when are you going to see your doctor, again.

My response:  I don't know, maybe in June to get a 3 month prescription before Korea.

Friend:  I wonder what he would say. 

Me:  Say about what?

Friend:  Your mood.

Maybe my mood is in stark contrast to what my friends normally see from me.  No one is always happy and smiling.   I will admit everything bothers me.  I should be pulling away from my school, but I haven't.  And I don't know why.  Maybe it is because I am in a holding pattern. Maybe, it is because I won't get true closure.  I have a mix of emotions and they are all over the place.  But dude, we're in a pandemic.

One Good Thing I Did Today:  I emailed what I was thinking to an admin.  BFF told me I'd regret it.
I would say I don't regret it, but I don't like the response I got from DC.

Another Good Thing:  I designed a great choiceboard for my PAP class.  I think it will be easy to grade and students will be happy doing the assignment.

I have been rather negative lately.  Where do I find optimism and joy, again?  Does joy even exist anymore? The reality is I'm alone and it sucks.  I have had no physical contact (hugs) in over a month and it sucks.

I am grateful for a job, most of my students, the opportunities I have been granted, and the fact that I have classroom that I can go to everyday.






Comments

  1. MargaretApril 23, 2020 at 7:46 PM

    I haven't handled this pandemic as well as I'd hoped to. I seem to have regressed to a darker time in my life when I focused way more on the negatives. It sounds like you are there too. It's difficult to see our way forward when there are so many questions and unknowns. It's good to be grateful, but also OK(and normal!) to grieve and be bitter about what's happening and how it's affecting our lives and relationships.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MargaretApril 23, 2020 at 7:46 PM

    I haven't handled this pandemic as well as I'd hoped to. I seem to have regressed to a darker time in my life when I focused way more on the negatives. It sounds like you are there too. It's difficult to see our way forward when there are so many questions and unknowns. It's good to be grateful, but also OK(and normal!) to grieve and be bitter about what's happening and how it's affecting our lives and relationships.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One Good Thing

Image
My dinner today:  roasted brussels sprouts and zucchini topped with a meat sauce.  On the side is cheese.  I'm glad I didn't put it actually on the sauce.  The cheese wasn't that good Late in the afternoon, I developed a sore throat. I worried about it because I am worried about getting COVID 19, even though I know, sore throats are not a symptom of the disease.  Since I've been sitting here on the couch I realized that when I went to school the AC was not on in my hallway.  I used the fan, sitting under that fan probably blew tons of dust up my sinuses.  It is a shame that the littlest things now cause us to worry. Therapist has challenged me to write down one good thing I do every day.  Therapist believes this will raise my self-esteem and empower me to be bold and speak up for myself.  Exact words were:  Being humble is not helping you.  We talked at length about how women are taught not to be assertive and that is one of t...
Read more

I hate email

Image
Exercise is saving my life right now.  Literally, my blood sugars are in check and I dropping weight. It is keeping me sane.  Saving my life! I hate email more than anything!  Seriously, hate it!  You know why?  Because ZERO inbox is so so elusive.  Even more, I hate work email.  Why?  Because work emails mean there is just one more thing to do.  I just spent the last 30 minutes working on school email.  Email for me could be a full time job and I hate it and  I can't keep up with it.   It is like grading.  The work is never done, no matter how much time you invest. A friend from another high school in town sent me another email about an opening at her school.  She has been eager to get me to join the staff there for years.  I need to respond to her and tell her that my plan is still to move to Korea. Before I can go to bed tonight, I need to finish a letter of recommendation for a student.  Ano...
Read more